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Estrangement

Do you feel like you're losing your son or daughter?

paretnt-child estrangement hurtsWhen your adult child won’t talk to you (or your spouse), it’s heart-breaking.

You feel sad whenever you think about it, which is often.

You wonder what you did to deserve this, if anything.

Maybe you’re angry — why does he or she have to do this to you, or to the family?

You feel embarrassed when asked about your child. You don’t know what to tell people. It’s humiliating … and so very sad, not to be able to talk about your own child with pride and ease.

Not to be able to talk to your own child is more painful than anyone who hasn’t been through it can readily understand.

In that sense, estrangement is a problem that isolates you. You feel like you’re the only parent in the world living with this awful situation. But you’re not.

You may even feel helpless at times. But you’re most definitely not. Keep reading and see if you don’t feel more hopeful soon…

Help is at hand

View the Table of Contents for the Guide for Parents of Estranged Adult Children

Read Chapter 1 of the Guide for Parents of Estranged Adult Children

Read Chapter 2 of the Guide for Parents of Estranged Adult Children

Find reviews from readers of the Guide for Parents of Estranged Adult Children

Schedule a private consultation

Estrangement (n.): The state of being separated by emotional and/or physical distance

Parent-Adult Child Estrangement is Complicated

Father at computerA successful business executive, we’ll call him Harv, lost touch with his teen-aged daughter after he and her mother divorced.

At first he kept in limited touch, his access restricted by his ex-wife.

But a few years later, after she was living on her own, Harv began emailing his daughter regularly, expressing his desire to rebuild their relationship.

His daughter didn’t respond to his emails for years … until one day, she did.

She told him she was angry at him, and wasn’t sure she wanted to have a relationship.

What was Harv to do? He’d made every effort to shield her from the worst of the divorce. He’d tried hard to stay in touch with his daughter despite her mother’s attempts to separate them.

Harv had no idea why she was angry, or what to do about it.

When Closeness Ends, A Journey Begins

If you’ve been left out in the cold like Harv was, you’ve probably tried sending email. Maybe you’ve sent cards, gifts or money. Or toys for a grandchild.

Woman looking at the seaYou might even be paying bills on your child’s behalf, and either not receiving a thank-you or getting only cursory communication that feels like rejection all over again.

Getting no positive response to anything you tried, you might have gone online to search for solutions.

Maybe you found a book or two. Maybe you discovered an online forum where heart-broken parents offer each other solace, kind words, and advice.

You may be a little wiser, feel a tiny bit less alone, but still nothing has changed.

The first thing to do is forgive yourself. For being in this situation. For anything you wish you could do over. For being human instead of perfect.

There are good people all over the world whose grown children have decided to cut ties right now. You don’t have to be a terrible parent, or a terrible person, for your son or daughter to reject you.

But don’t despair; most estrangements are temporary. And you have much more control over this situation than you may think.

Can you be the change you wish to see?

If you have regrets about your parenting, that’s a good sign. It means you’re not deluding yourself. The reality is, no one gets it 100% right. Not even close.

Your conscientiousness, that desire to do right by your child, will serve you well as you apply yourself to healing the relationship.

Once you’ve started to forgive yourself, the next step is to take your power back.

Railing against the younger generation’s selfishness or entitlement won’t bring your child back to you. It will only cement the divide. It will keep you powerless, and nothing will change.

If you intuitively understand that you need to BE the change you want to see in your relationships, I have something to offer you. Something that has changed many lives already.

The Reconnection Club is a program of education and support for parents ready to take the reins and heal the estrangement from their child or children.

I’ve gathered “insider information” over the years, talking first to adult children who rejected their parents, and later to parents forsaken by adult children.

I learned that there are two steps to reconnecting with your child:

  1. Seek to understand the reasons for the estrangement, with self-compassion.
  2. Address those reasons. As a parent, you’re 100% qualified to do so.

These steps are simple but not easy. You can do this if you put your heart and mind to the task, but most parents need help with both steps.

Get hands-on help from an estrangement specialist

To the insights I’ve gained from talking with hundreds of people experiencing family estrangement, as well as experts in the field, I add my professional training to create a unique road map to reconnection.

It starts with gaining understanding of the situation. I wrote the Guide for Parents of Estranged Adult Children PDF to help you do that.

Read the Guide to help you with Step 1 (understanding the estrangement), then work through Step 2 (addressing the issues) with ongoing education, advice and support from the Reconnection Club.

In the Guide for Parents of Estranged Adult Children you’ll find:

– Sample emails, so you learn how NOT to push them away
– Rules of engagement for establishing peaceful, positive contact
– Tips for self-care to give you physical, mental and emotional strength while you work on this
– Emotional healing tools to prepare the groundwork for a better relationship with your child (and yourself)
– Targeted advice for specific situations (see the Table of Contents)
– An assertiveness primer to help you establish and protect personal boundaries in all your relationships
– Guidelines for improving your self-esteem, because change is harder when self-esteem is low
– Over 100 pages of content from which to craft your personal reconciliation plan
– And more

The information and tools in the Guide can facilitate real change, especially with the help and support of myself (we have twice-monthly telephone office hours with local phone numbers in over 100 countries) and other parents. Read what other parents are saying about the support they’ve received.

Maybe you’ve read other resources and learned a few things, but haven’t yet implemented a conscious plan of action to heal your relationship.

Most of us need not only information, but support and accountability, to tackle difficult tasks that require endurance and might be painful at times. Like the task of reconnecting with your estranged adult child.

That’s why, whether you purchase the Guide or join the Club without the textbook, you’ll become part of a positive community of parents who are actively working on their relationships with adult children. 

Join the Club

Until February 28, 2020, you can purchase the Guide along with 3 months of membership for just $49.99. See below.

Later, the Guide will be replaced by a book that will be available in bookstores. If you feel you can wait, skip the Guide now and choose a monthly or annual membership below. Use the educational resources inside the Reconnection Club to start working your way back to your child. Don’t let another day go by without taking action to end the estrangement.

I know it hurts to think about it, and you might not feel up to exposing yourself to more pain on purpose. But the alternative is to let more time go by, with nothing to show for it.

You may not be ready to approach your child today, and that’s okay. But it takes time to lay the groundwork for tomorrow. And in the meantime, the pain will be there whether you’re actively working on the problem or not.

Although the Guide is currently our very best source of general advice for rejected parents, we have a short course called “Fundamentals of Healing Parent-Child Relationships” that’s based on some of the most important concepts in the Guide. There are many more courses, workshops, expert interviews, Q&A recordings and articles inside the Club to help you prepare your personal campaign of reconnection.

Together, the Guide and the Club provide support whenever you need it to help you solve the most painful problem in your life. If the Reconnection Club is the school, the Guide is our textbook.

The Reconnection Club is the friendliest, most inspiring online community for parents at all stages of estrangement. That includes those who have reconciled but are still walking on eggshells with their adult children.

Would you like a taste of one of our members-only resources? Listen to a recording of a past Q&A call

Twice a month office hours have replaced the monthly Q&A since that recording was made. Office hours are offered at different times of the day, on all 7 days of the week, so everyone can participate at least some of the time.

Can’t make it to the next office hour? No problem. Just post your office-hours question in our private forum. I’m in the forums regularly and will post a response. You might also hear from other members who’ve got something to contribute.

In addition to catching up on the latest office hour call recording, you can listen to dozens of Q&A recordings in the Club’s library at your leisure. 

You’ll also receive our newsletter that keeps you informed about issues affecting estrangement, and abreast of new resources.

Learn to respond effectively, not emotionally

If you had custody of your child until s/he was 18…

If you’re tired of playing The Blame Game (It’s them – No, it’s me – no, it’s them … )…

If you value personal growth…

And if addiction is NOT the primary reason for the estrangement…

The Reconnection Club is for you. You’re guaranteed to find something of value in the Club, and that’s a promise I don’t mind making.

Remember Harv, whose daughter was angry after the divorce and wasn’t sure she wanted a relationship?

Well, Harv read the Guide and made use of all the Club’s resources. This didn’t change how he felt about his daughter’s reaction to him, but it gave him a blueprint for an effective response.

“My initial response was anger, shame, and a host of personal stuff,” he told me. But he didn’t let his feelings dictate his behavior. He decided to treat his daughter’s angry words not as an indictment, but as a plea for help, attention, and love.

Happy daughter talking on phoneHe responded to her email without defensiveness (even though he felt defensive inside), and his daughter agreed to a meeting.

At that meeting, the first thing that happened was she requested an apology.

Having been a member of the program for a little while, Harv was ready. He didn’t let his “doormat alarm” go off (see Chapter 5), but instead offered such a good apology that his daughter wept with relief. (By the way, you can download our Apology Checklist in the Reconnection Club library.)

Harv and his daughter have been in regular contact ever since, and their relationship grows stronger each day.

Is the Reconnection Club for you?

Does every parent who reads the Guide and gains access to the powerful resources in the Reconnection Club see such dramatic results? Not necessarily. Does every member actually practice the tools they’re exposed to? Probably not. Harv was diligent in applying what he learned.

The Reconnection Club and its textbook, the Guide for Parents of Estranged Adult Children, are for parents who are tired of waiting around for someone or something to change. This program is for parents who are ready to let go of confusion and despair, and instead take ownership and responsibility for the quality of their relationship with their adult child(ren).

Read the first two chapters of the Guide right now with no obligation whatsoever, to get a sense of the value you’ll receive just for starters. Then purchase the “Guide + 3 months” option below with a couple of clicks and continue reading at your convenience.

With your own copy of the Guide on your device or printed out, and your members-only access to the Club, you’ll have a wealth of support and information in your pocket or purse ready for you when you feel strong enough to tackle the problem.

IMPORTANT: The Guide is not a physical book. It’s a PDF file that you download to your device when you purchase your 3-month membership. The Reconnection Club is a subscription-based website that you access with a password from your phone, tablet or computer.

The Guide will be available only until Feb 28, 2020. After that, there will be a hiatus of at least two months before the new book version becomes available in bookstores. So if you’re eager to gain some clarity and start working your way back toward your child today, you might want to opt for the “Guide + 3 months” option below.

How to Buy

Click on one of the orange buttons below to choose a monthly or annual membership, or the time-limited package consisting of the Guide for Parents of Estranged Adult Children and three months of membership.

The latter is a one-time purchase; your card won’t be charged after your 3-month membership expires. You’ll have the option to stay with us by selecting either a monthly or annual membership before you leave.

Monthly Membership

$14.99/month

Annual Membership

$149 (12.42/month, paid annually)

Guide + 3 Months

$49.99 (non-renewing) AVAILABLE ONLY UNTIL FEB 28, 2020

  • Office hours by phone
  • Helpful courses
  • Text & email workshops
  • Expert interviews
  • Q&A recordings
  • Downloadable resources
  • Private community forums
  • Two months free
  • Office hours by phone
  • Helpful courses
  • Text & email workshops
  • Expert interviews
  • Q&A recordings
  • Downloadable resources
  • Private community forums
  • Instant download of 100+ page PDF: Guide for Parents of Estranged Adult Children
  • Three months of membership in the Reconnection Club (does not renew automatically)
  • See important notes below…

This option is available only until Feb. 28, 2020.

A new book is scheduled for release on April 28, 2020 and will be available wherever books are sold.

The Guide will be retired before the new book comes out, leaving a hiatus of two months.

Purchase of this option does not include a copy of the new book.

Money-Back Guarantee

You’ve been through enough already without having to worry about someone taking advantage of you.

My husband Mike and I run the Reconnection Club with compassion and integrity. We offer a no-questions-asked 90-day money-back guarantee because we want you to be absolutely certain the Reconnection Club is right for you.

Please don’t be afraid to take the Reconnection Club for a test drive. It could make a huge difference in your life, but if it doesn’t then you haven’t lost anything but a little bit of time. We’d love to have you join us.

Still have questions?

Please don’t hesitate to contact us.