Do you feel like you’re losing your son or daughter?
When your adult child won’t talk to you (or your spouse), it’s heart-breaking.
You feel sad whenever you think about it, which is often.
You wonder what you did to deserve this, if anything.
Maybe you’re angry — why does he or she have to do this to you, or to the family?
You feel embarrassed when asked about your child. You don’t know what to tell people. It’s humiliating … and so very sad, not to be able to talk about your own child with pride and ease.
Not to be able to talk to your own child is more painful than anyone who hasn’t been through it can readily understand.
In that sense, estrangement is a problem that isolates you. You feel like you’re the only parent in the world living with this awful situation. But you’re not.
You may even feel helpless at times. But you’re most definitely not. Keep reading and see if you don’t feel more hopeful soon…
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Estrangement (n.): An unhappy separation created by emotional and/or physical distance.
Parent-Adult Child Estrangement is Complicated
A successful business executive, we’ll call him Harv, lost touch with his teen-aged daughter after he and her mother divorced.
At first he kept in limited touch, his access restricted by his ex-wife.
But a few years later, after she was living on her own, Harv began emailing his daughter regularly, expressing his desire to rebuild their relationship.
His daughter didn’t respond to his emails for years … until one day, she did.
She told him she was angry at him, and wasn’t sure she wanted to have a relationship.
What was Harv to do? He’d made every effort to shield her from the worst of the divorce. He’d tried hard to stay in touch with his daughter despite her mother’s attempts to separate them.
Harv had no idea why she was angry, or what to do about it.
When Closeness Ends, A Journey Begins
If you’ve been left out in the cold like Harv was, you’ve probably tried sending email. Maybe you’ve sent cards, gifts or money. Or toys for a grandchild.
You might even be paying bills on your child’s behalf, and either not receiving a thank-you or getting only cursory communication that feels like rejection all over again.
Getting no positive response to anything you tried, you might have gone online to search for solutions.
Maybe you found a book or two. Maybe you discovered an online forum where heart-broken parents offer each other solace, kind words, and advice.
You may be a little wiser, feel a tiny bit less alone, but still nothing has changed.
The first thing to do is forgive yourself. For being in this situation. For anything you wish you could do over. For being human instead of perfect.
There are good people all over the world whose grown children have decided to cut ties right now. You don’t have to be a terrible parent, or a terrible person, for your son or daughter to reject you.
But don’t despair; most estrangements are temporary. And you have much more control over this situation than you may think.
Can you be the change you wish to see?
If you have regrets about your parenting, that’s a good sign. It means you’re not deluding yourself. The reality is, no one gets it 100% right. Not even close.
Your conscientiousness, that desire to do right by your child, will serve you well as you apply yourself to healing the relationship.
Once you’ve started to forgive yourself, the next step is to take your power back.
Railing against the younger generation’s selfishness or entitlement, as some hurting parents do, won’t bring your child back to you. It will only cement the divide. It will keep you powerless, and nothing will change.
If you intuitively understand that you need to BE the change you want to see in your relationships, I have something to offer you. Something that has changed many lives already.
The Reconnection Club is a program of education and support for parents ready to take the reins and heal the estrangement from their child or children.
I’ve gathered “insider information” over the years, talking first to adult children who rejected their parents, and later to parents forsaken by their adult children.
I learned that there are three steps to reconnecting with your child:
- Start to heal from emotional injuries or trauma that affected your relationship with yourself.
- Seek to understand the reasons for the estrangement, with self-compassion.
- Address those reasons. As a parent, you’re 100% qualified to do so.
These steps are simple but not easy. You can do this if you put your heart and mind to the task, but many parents benefit from gentle guidance and support.
Get hands-on help from an estrangement specialist
To the insights I’ve gained from talking with hundreds of people experiencing family estrangement, as well as experts in the field, I add my professional training to create a unique road map to reconnection.
It starts with gaining understanding of yourself and the situation, and addressing and personal and interpersonal issues with ongoing education, advice and support from the Reconnection Club.
Inside the Reconnection Club you’ll find:
– Email and text workshops, so you learn how NOT to push them away
– Feedback from your host and fellow members on what you’re thinking of doing, saying, or writing to repair your relationship
– Recorded interviews with experts discussing specific situations and topics
– A friendly, active private community of parents who are thoughtfully working their way through estrangement and reconciliation
– Courses teaching fundamental concepts from which to craft your personal reconciliation plan
– And more
The information and tools in both the book and the Reconnection Club can facilitate real change, especially with the help and support of myself (we have twice-monthly telephone office hours with local phone numbers in over 100 countries) and other parents. Read what other parents are saying about the support they’ve received.
Maybe you’ve tried other resources and learned a few things, but haven’t yet implemented a conscious plan of action to heal your relationship.
Most of us need not only information, but support and accountability, to tackle difficult tasks that require endurance and might be painful at times. Like the task of reconnecting with your estranged adult child.
When you join the Reconnection Club, you’ll become part of a positive community of parents who are actively working on their relationships with adult children.
Join the Club
Use the educational resources inside the Reconnection Club to start working your way back to your child. Don’t let another day go by without taking action to end the estrangement.
I know it hurts to think about it, and you might not feel up to exposing yourself to more pain on purpose. But the alternative is to let more time go by, with nothing to show for it.
You may not be ready to approach your child today, and that’s okay. It takes time to lay the groundwork for tomorrow. And in the meantime, the pain will be there whether you’re actively working on the problem or not.
Inside the Club we have a Road Map to Reconnection for you to orient yourself as you begin. When you’re ready, there’s a short course called “Fundamentals of Healing Parent-Child Relationships” that provides the basis for starting the Research & Review phase of your journey.
There are many more courses, workshops, expert interviews, Q&A recordings and articles inside the Club to help you prepare your personal campaign to repair and reconnect with your estranged adult child(ren).
The Reconnection Club is the friendliest, most inspiring online community for parents at all stages of estrangement. That includes those who have reconciled but are still walking on eggshells with their adult children.
Live group office hours are available only to members of the Reconnection Club. These are offered at different times of the day, on all 7 days of the week, so everyone can participate at least some of the time.
Can’t make it to the next office hour? No problem. Just post your office-hours question in our private forum. Either your fellow members, myself, or both will post a response.
In addition to catching up on the latest office hour call recording, you can listen to dozens of Q&A recordings in the Club’s library at your leisure.
You’ll also receive our newsletter that keeps you informed about issues affecting estrangement, and abreast of new resources.
That video was made right around the time we first opened our doors, so there have been a few changes since then. But it’s substantially the same — only better.
Learn to respond effectively, not emotionally
If you had custody of your child until s/he was 18…
If you’re tired of playing The Blame Game (It’s them – No, it’s me – no, it’s them … )…
If you value personal growth…
And if addiction in your adult child is NOT the primary reason for the estrangement…
The Reconnection Club is for you. You’re guaranteed to find something of value in the Club, and that’s a promise I don’t mind making.
Remember Harv, whose daughter was angry after the divorce and wasn’t sure she wanted a relationship?
Well, Harv read Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child and made use of all the Club’s resources. This didn’t change how he felt about his daughter’s reaction to him, but it gave him a blueprint for an effective response.
“My initial response was anger, shame, and a host of personal stuff,” he told me. But he didn’t let his feelings dictate his behavior. He decided to treat his daughter’s angry words not as an indictment, but as a plea for help, attention, and love.
He responded to her email without defensiveness (even though he felt defensive inside), and his daughter agreed to a meeting.
At that meeting, the first thing that happened was she requested an apology.
Having been a member of the program for a little while, Harv was ready. He didn’t let his “doormat alarm” go off, but instead offered such a good apology that his daughter wept with relief.
Harv and his daughter have been in regular contact ever since, and their relationship grows stronger each year.
(By the way, we have a helpful “Apology Checklist” in the Reconnection Club library, available for members to download.)
Is the Reconnection Club for you?
Does every parent who gains access to the powerful resources in the Reconnection Club see such dramatic results? Not necessarily. Does every member actually practice the tools they’re exposed to? Probably not. Harv was diligent in applying what he learned.
If you identify as a lifelong learner, you’ll be right at home with us.
The Reconnection Club is essentially an online school for parents who are tired of waiting around for someone or something to change. This program is for parents who are ready to overcome confusion and despair, and take ownership and responsibility for the quality of their relationship with their adult child(ren).
With your members-only access to the Club, you’ll have a wealth of support and information ready for you when you feel strong enough to tackle the problem.
If you’re eager to gain some clarity and start working your way back toward your child today, click the “Learn More” button below.
PLEASE NOTE: The Reconnection Club is a subscription-based website that you access with a password from your phone, tablet or computer. It is not a physical place.
You’ve been through enough already without having to worry about someone taking advantage of you.
My husband Mike and I run the Reconnection Club with compassion and integrity. We offer a no-questions-asked 90-day money-back guarantee because we want you to be absolutely certain the Reconnection Club is right for you. All you need to do is cancel with one click, and request a refund by email.
Please don’t be afraid to take the Reconnection Club for a test drive. It could make a huge difference in your life, but if it doesn’t then you haven’t lost anything but a little bit of time. We’d love to have you join us.
Still have questions?
Please don’t hesitate to contact us by writing to Help (at) Reconnectionclub (dot) com.