Do you feel like you’re losing your son or daughter?
When your adult child won’t talk to you (or your spouse), it’s heart-breaking.
You feel sad whenever you think about it, which is often.
You wonder what you did to deserve this, if anything.
Maybe you’re angry — why does he or she have to do this to you, or to the family?
You feel embarrassed when friends ask about your child. You don’t know what to tell them. It’s humiliating … and so very sad, not to be able to talk about your own child with pride and ease.
Not to be able to talk to your own child is more painful than anyone who hasn’t been through it can readily understand.
In that sense, estrangement is a problem that isolates you.
Estrangement (n.): The state of being separated by emotional and/or physical distanceParent-Child Estrangement is Complicated
A successful business executive, we’ll call him Harv, lost touch with his teen-aged daughter after he and her mother divorced.
At first he kept in limited touch, his access restricted by his ex-wife.
But a few years later, after she was living on her own, Harv began emailing his daughter regularly, expressing his desire to rebuild their relationship.
His daughter didn’t respond to his emails for years … until one day, she did.
She told him she was angry at him, and wasn’t sure she wanted to have a relationship.
What was Harv to do? He’d made every effort to shield her from the worst of the divorce. He’d tried hard to stay in touch with his daughter despite her mother’s attempts to separate them.
Harv had no idea why she was angry, or what to do about it.
When Closeness Ends, A Journey Begins
If you’ve been left out in the cold like Harv was, you’ve probably tried sending email. Maybe you’ve sent cards, gifts or money. Or toys for a grandchild.
You might even be paying bills on your child’s behalf, and either not receiving a thank-you or getting only cursory communication that feels like rejection all over again.
Getting no positive response to anything you tried, you might have gone online to search for solutions.
Maybe you found a book or two. Maybe you discovered an online forum where heart-broken parents offer each other solace, kind words, and advice.
You may be a little wiser, feel a tiny bit less alone, but still nothing has changed.
The first thing you need to do is forgive yourself. For being in this situation. For anything you wish you could do over. For being human instead of perfect.
There are good people all over the world whose grown children have decided they’re better off without them. You don’t have to be a terrible parent, or a terrible person, for your son or daughter to reject you.
Can You Be the Change You Wish to See?
If you have regrets about your parenting, that’s a good sign. It means you’re not deluding yourself. The reality is, no one gets it 100% right. Not even close.
Your conscientiousness, that desire to do right by your child, will serve you well as you apply yourself to healing the relationship.
Once you’ve started to forgive yourself, the next step is to take your power back.
Railing against the younger generation’s selfishness or entitlement won’t bring your child back to you. It will only cement the divide. It will keep you powerless, and nothing will change.
If you intuitively understand that you need to BE the change you want to see in your relationships, I have something to offer you. Something that has changed many lives already.
It’s called the Reconnection Club program, and it brings to bear my very best advice, tips, and tools for parents in your shoes.
I’ve gathered “insider information” over the years, talking first to adult children who reject their parents, and later to parents forsaken by adult children.
Get Help from an Estrangement Counselor and a Friendly Community
To the insights I’ve gained from talking with hundreds of people experiencing family estrangement, as well as experts in the field, I added my psychological training to create a road map to reconnection.
It starts with the PDF Guide for Parents of Estranged Adult Children that you can download and read in less time (and for far less money) than it would take for me to relay the following to you in person.
In this unique resource you’ll find:
- Sample emails, so you learn how NOT to push them away
- Rules of engagement for establishing peaceful, positive contact
- Tips for self-care to give you physical, mental and emotional strength while you work on this
- Emotional healing tools to prepare the groundwork for a better relationship with your child (and yourself)
- Targeted advice for specific situations (see the Table of Contents)
- An assertiveness primer to help you establish and protect personal boundaries in all your relationships
- Guidelines for improving your self-esteem, because change is harder when self-esteem is low
- Over 100 pages of content from which to craft your personal reconciliation plan
- And more
The information and tools in the Guide can facilitate real change. Read what other parents are saying about it.
If you and I were to sit down together in my office in Denver, it would take long hours for me to convey everything you might want or need to know about how to reconcile with your child. But it takes just minutes to download the information right now and start putting it to use.
But what if, after you read the Guide, you just feel alone again, or not sure where to start?
That’s why the Guide is not just a PDF but a full program of ongoing support. When you purchase the Guide, you’ll also join a positive community of parents who are actively working on their relationships with adult children. And much more…
Join the Club
Your purchase of the Guide includes three months of membership in the Reconnection Club, the essential online resources where you can access even more tools and solidify what you learn in the Guide.
Together, the Guide and the Club provide intensive, 24/7 support to help you solve the most painful problem in your life. If the Guide is a textbook, the Reconnection Club is the school.
Inside the Club, connect with other parents who are working their way back to their own estranged children, or have already done so. Learn from others’ achievements and missteps. Ask me questions during twice-monthly telephone office hours, and get clarification on how to put what you’re learning into practice.
Inside our online members-only clubhouse, you’ll have access to courses, workshops, expert interviews, downloadable resources and a library of helpful, practical tools. Page through our archive of recorded Q&A calls, and browse our extensive library of useful articles.
You can also join or start a group inside the Club, or find other parents in your area to meet up with. The Reconnection Club is the friendliest, most inspiring online community for parents at all stages of estrangement. That includes those who have reconciled but are still walking on eggshells with their adult children.
Would you like a taste of one of our members-only resources? Listen to a recording of a past call.
Office hours have replaced the monthly Q&A. These are offered at different times of the day, on all 7 days of the week, so everyone can participate at least some of the time.
Can’t make it to office hours any given month? No problem. Just post your office-hours question in our private forum. I’m in there regularly and will post a response below. You might also hear from other members who’ve got something to contribute.
You can listen to dozens of call recordings in the Club’s library at your leisure. Listen to only the questions that interest you, using the jump-to links included with each recording.
You’ll also receive a monthly newsletter that keeps you informed about issues affecting estrangement, and abreast of new resources.
Cultivate Constructive Responses
If you had custody of your child until s/he was 18…
If you’re tired of playing The Blame Game (It’s them – No, it’s me – no, it’s them … )…
If you value personal growth…
And if addiction is NOT the primary reason for the estrangement…
This program is for you. You’ll find something in the program of value, and that’s a promise I don’t mind making.
Remember Harv, whose daughter was angry after the divorce and wasn’t sure she wanted a relationship?
Well, Harv purchased the program, read the Guide and made use of all the program’s resources. This didn’t change how he felt about his daughter’s reaction to him, but it gave him a blueprint for a constructive response.
“My initial response was anger, shame, and a host of personal stuff,” he told me. But he didn’t let his feelings dictate his behavior. He decided to treat his daughter’s angry words not as an indictment, but as a plea for help, attention, and love.
He responded to her email without defensiveness (even though he felt defensive inside), and his daughter agreed to a meeting.
At that meeting, the first thing that happened was she requested an apology.
Having been a member of the program for a little while, Harv was ready. He didn’t let his “doormat alarm” go off (see Chapter 5), but instead offered such a good apology that his daughter wept with relief. (You can download the Apology Checklist in the Reconnection Club library.)
Harv and his daughter have been in regular contact ever since, and their relationship grows stronger each day.
Is the Guide and Reconnection Club Membership for You?
Does every parent who reads the Guide and gains access to the powerful resources in the Reconnection Club see such dramatic results? Not necessarily. Does every member actually practice the tools they’re exposed to? Probably not. Harv was diligent in applying what he learned.
The Guide and the Reconnection Club are for those who are tired of waiting around for someone or something to change. This program is for parents who are ready to take ownership and responsibility for the quality of their relationship with their adult child(ren).
Read the first two chapters of the Guide right now with no obligation whatsoever, to get a sense of the value you’ll receive just for starters. Then purchase the three-month program (the Guide plus a 3-month membership to the Reconnection Club) below with a couple of clicks and continue reading at your convenience.
With your own copy of the Guide on your device or printed out, and your members-only access to the Club, you’ll have a wealth of support and information in your pocket or purse anytime, anywhere. Estrangement is a 24/7 problem. Why not have 24/7 support?
IMPORTANT: The Guide is not a physical book. It’s a downloadable PDF file that you download to your device when you purchase your membership. The Reconnection Club is a subscription-based website that you access with a password from your phone, tablet or computer.
How to Buy
This life-changing program – three months of membership to the Reconnection Club, plus all 9 chapters of the Guide – is yours instantly.
Ready to purchase? Get the Guide, plus three months of live telephone office hours, regularly updated resources and the strength of our helpful community, for just $49.99.
Need some time to think it over?
90-day Money-Back Guarantee:
If you don’t agree that this program is the most eye-opening and useful resource you’ve seen on this topic, I’ll promptly issue a full refund and cancel your membership. You have nothing to lose… and so much to gain.