Relationships
These articles focus on relationship issues and communication.
Setting Boundaries with Adult Children: A Practical Guide
It’s natural for parents to want to support their children, no matter their age. But when it comes to adult children, setting boundaries can be especially challenging. Parents may feel torn between offering help and maintaining healthy, respectful limits. Recently, I had the opportunity to contribute to this article in Woman’s World that offers practical guidance on how to set boundaries lovingly but firmly with adult children. The article refers to situations that may be …
Attribution Theory and Relationship Trouble
When someone acts badly, it’s tempting to see them as simply a rude, selfish, or inconsiderate person. But it might not be quite so simple. Attribution Theory says that when others behave badly, we tend to attribute their bad behavior to personality. But when we behave in similar ways, we think of our behavior in terms of an exception to a general rule (i.e., good behavior). We’re always the hero in our own minds, doing …
How to Validate Someone
The need for validation, whether conscious or not, is universal. We all want to feel acceptable, worthy, and not-kooky in other people’s eyes. But what is validation, anyway? Most of us are a little fuzzy on this concept, and for good reason: Validation can be hard to come by in everyday life. Let’s talk first about what validation feels like on the receiving end, and then we’ll look at how to do it. Validation is …
8 Things to Absolutely Expect in Relationships
Even though there’s a lot of talk about how entitled young people are these days, I see a lack of entitlement among all age groups in my practice as a therapist. I see people putting up with pretty poor behavior from people they love, without uttering a word of protest. Or, if they do protest, there are no consequences when the other person ignores them and keeps on behaving the same way. There seems to …
Conflict Avoidant? Here’s What It’s Costing You
I’m bad at confronting people — I don’t always choose the right words because I’m so nervous about having the conversation in the first place — but I’m even worse at suffering in silence. So when something’s up between me and someone else I just have to say something, even though it’s guaranteed to be awkward and uncomfortable (at least for me). That discomfort is definitely the downside of approaching conflict head-on. But there’s an …
Why You’re Attracted to the Wrong People
Last week, I was giving a presentation to other mental health professionals when the talk turned to unmet emotional needs. This is the kind of thing we therapists tend to discuss when we get together. That, and reality TV shows. Or maybe that’s just me. Unmet emotional needs are often unconscious, and they cause all sorts of havoc in our lives. Mostly they tend to control our behavior. Come to think of it, they may …
What Scares You in Relationships?
Some of us barrel into relationships as if the very fact of being alone could cause severe itching. Others are skittish, shying away from promising new people or finding ways to engage while subtly keep them at a distance. Ultimately, the skittishness takes a toll (barreling into relationships can wreak havoc too, but that’s for another post). I’m a strong believer that most of the trouble in relationships is caused by fear: Fear of not …
Do Toxic People Even Exist?
Whenever I hear the term “toxic person,” I picture a glow-in-the-dark green zombie covered in radioactive waste. Personally, I consider this to be the proper definition of a toxic person. I don’t think too many people agree with me, though. There are tons of blog posts out there, not to mention comments on Facebook and other social media, urging us to purge so-called toxic people from our lives. Someone talks trash to you? Kick ’em …
Why Our Relationships Hold the Key to Personal Growth
This week I’ve got an article I really want to share with you because it gets right to the heart of one of the most important truths about our relationships. We tend to be attracted to partners who help us recreate the same troublesome dynamics we were hurt by earlier in life. For example, a woman marries a man with an addictive and unpredictable personality, just like her mother. Or a man marries an emotionally …
7 Ways to Spring Clean Your Relationships
Now that spring is here, I thought I’d offer a few tips for some “relationship spring cleaning.” Try these with your partner, friends, family, or even coworkers. 1. Listen more. Even if the other person already does most of the talking, how carefully do you typically listen? Challenge yourself to tune in to what they’re saying, rather than letting your mind wander. 2. Make time. The word “relationship” may be a noun, but “relate” is …
“I’m Sorry You Feel That Way”
If your mail carrier complains to you about your mailbox being so far from the curb, it’s perfectly appropriate to respond by saying, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Here’s what that statement really means: “Your feelings are your problem.” “How you feel has nothing to do with me.” “I don’t care.” “You’re on your own.” If these are what you mean to convey — and really, what more does the mail carrier have any …
How to Break Up for Good
It’s pretty normal to get back together with an ex. Heck, it’s almost a national pastime. If you haven’t felt the pull of an old relationship … well, I think we might have to check your pulse. Ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends can have a strong magnetic influence, especially immediately after a breakup. No matter how painful the relationship was, it had its good points. It’s those good points that’ll get you every time. If you want …