Constructive Wallowing

These articles feature the practice of constructive wallowing. Learn more about Tina’s Constructive Wallowing book on Amazon.

Stop Worrying Right This Second

What are you worried most about right now? Finances? A relationship? Someone’s health? All of those are significant. Trouble with any is worrisome. But as we know, worrying is pointless. It can’t pay the bills, repair a relationship, or heal a disease. But still, we worry. Focus on Feelings If you want to stop worrying, you’ve got to control your focus. Everyone knows this. But what everyone doesn’t necessarily know is that it’s not a …

Why We Need to Embrace Self-Pity

I love self-pity. It’s so necessary, because nobody knows how bad things can get for us sometimes like we do. The only problem I can see with self-pity is that we don’t do it enough! “But what about all those self-pitying types who go on and on about what a bum deal they’ve gotten?,” you might ask. “Don’t they have enough self-pity for all of us?” I’m glad you asked. Those so-called self-pitying types are …

The Surprising Upside to Wallowing in Despair

Who is there among us who hasn’t felt the chill of despair at one time or another? With the cold, gray winter enveloping so many of us, I thought this might be a good time to review some emotional survival tips, and underline the happy truth that wallowing in despair can bring rich rewards. There is such a thing as severe depression. That’s what medication is for, and it can literally be a life-saver. But …

5 Ways to Feel (and Heal) Your Feelings

You’ve heard me say many times that the reason to let yourself feel bad is so that you can feel better sooner. So how exactly do you do that? It’s one thing to say, “Feel your feelings,” but what exactly does that look like? In essence, it means honoring your real feelings, and yourself, when you’re hurting. Erin Leyba’s wonderful article offers some really practical tips for doing just that. Enjoy! 5 Ways to Honor …

How to Talk to Yourself When You’re Upset

Have you been using the T-R-U-T-H Technique for getting past difficult feelings after an upset? Maybe there was an argument that left you feeling icky. Maybe someone said or did something that hurt your feelings. Maybe you hurt someone else’s feelings. Instead of replaying the event over and over in your head, which just makes you feel worse and gets you stuck in those rotten feelings… The T-R-U-T-H Technique gives you a way to make …

“Negative” Feelings and the Law of Attraction

Occasionally someone tells me with dread that they don’t want to feel depressed because the Law of Attraction will bring more bad things to them if they let themselves go down that path. Now myself, I do believe in the attractive power of intention. There’s nothing magical about it; when we think about things a certain way, we tend to behave in ways that match our beliefs. Our behavior has consequences. Example: If I’m sure …

Early Experience Affects How We Deal With Feelings

“Why do we find it so hard to sit with our own emotions?” asked one of the audience members at a talk I gave last Tuesday about constructive wallowing. I think there are two reasons: 1. We’re hard-wired to avoid pain. If a feeling is unpleasant, we automatically try not to pay attention to it and hope it goes away. Example: You’re reading on the patio when a thought strays into your mind … something …

6 Tips for a Good Cry

Have you had a good cry lately? How about a bad one? Tears can definitely go either way. Sometimes you feel better when you’re done, but other times you just feel drained. Not all tears are healing, it seems. While crying does have some observable physiological benefits, the way you talk to yourself when you’re crying is at least as important as the fact that you’re crying at all. The trick is to cultivate self-compassion. …

Why Not Get Your Hopes Up?

Are you waiting for potential good news but you’re not sure it’s going to happen? Get your hopes up and enjoy those good feelings till the ballots are in! If it turns out to be a no-go, you won’t be any less disappointed than you would have been anyway. If the news is good and you get what you were hoping for, then you won’t be hoping for it any more; you’ll just be enjoying …

Almost All Problems Are Emotional

When’s the last time you had a problem that wasn’t emotional? Car broke down? You probably made a call or two and got it fixed; no real problem there except for the annoyance and/or frustration it caused you. Couldn’t pay your mortgage? Losing your home to foreclosure would be an “oh, well” proposition without good old-fashioned fear, desperation and grief — emotional experiences, to be sure. I recently wrote a post about how problems are …

What’s So Bad About Feeling Sad?

Every now and then, as you know if you’ve been hanging out here with me for a while, I come across an article that I wish I’d written myself. That’s doubly true for this well-written, spot-on post by Leanne Reed, who happens to be a therapist in Portland, Oregon just like me. I’m impressed by the clarity of Leanne’s writing, and I hope you will be, too. So without further ado, I give you… What’s …

Emotional Regulation Is Nonsense

Every time I hear the term “emotional regulation” (or “emotion regulation”) I throw a tiny fit inside my head. And since it crops up often in my field, I’m throwing little fits all the time. (If you ask me what time it is, and I stare blankly at you, it’s because I’m having one of these fits. Give me a moment and then try again.) I don’t mind telling you I hate that phrase. I …

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