The Reconnection Club
The following unsolicited comments are from current or former Reconnection Club members, as well as readers of the Guide for Parents of Estranged Adult Children (which was the 100-page first draft of Reconnecting with Your Estranged Adult Child).
I have been meaning to write earlier, but also wanted to wait and see if the reconciliation with my daughter was going to last. It has. So thank you. We got back together a good six months ago now. And that means I am also able to spend time with the grandchildren, which is a pleasure, at the same time helping her cope with a baby and a toddler…
I spent an entire weekend immersed in all of your material and it was unbelievably helpful. I have worked with several therapists over the years around the estrangement issue with my daughter and never made much progress.
Using what I learned from you, I reached out to my daughter to apologize… That opened up the lines of communication and we have been talking almost daily for the last month or so.
Your approach to communicating with young adult children is exactly what we needed. Changing my communication style with her has shifted everything.
I appreciate your approach so much because you don’t pathologize parent or child and you offer highly practical solutions with concrete guidance.
I wanted to let you know that I listened to last month’s conference call for the first time. What a valuable service this is! Thank you so much for doing this.
I found every question, and your answers, to be relevant and informative. What’s more, the most valuable thing was to realize that there are others out there in the same situation as me–I am not alone in this terrible situation.
What I have learned from you has positively affected my relationship with all three of my grown children. I have found relief from my heartbreak and empowerment as a Mom. Thanks for sharing your gift.
I am making strides with this woman, my only daughter because of you. I am feeling like a good mother to her, I am learning to show her love. And your suggestions work beautifully!
I have been searching for months for anything to help me understand what is going on and give me direction in how to move forward with my estranged daughter. Your book hits the nail on the head.
Just in the week since I read the book, my thoughts relating to myself and this situation have been transformed. Thank you so much for your work and for your gift to parents like myself.
Here we are six months later, all sending group emails to one another, exchanging recipes and photographs, celebrating birthdays, and frequently text messaging…
I mean this sincerely: Without the book, I definitely would have skipped my son’s wedding, and [my other children] and I would still be estranged.
I knew before I even finished your book that you had solved the puzzle… I read it twice and then carefully crafted a letter as an adult parent to my daughter, estranged for eight years.
You’re an absolute genius! I just received the sweetest email from her. She said she’d like to talk after she returns home from vacation.
I think the reason we are able to keep in touch with him now has to do with what we learned through your book.
Thanks to you, we have a new way of being supportive by stepping back and letting him know we love him, without giving too much advice or asking too many questions.
… For now, thankfully, I am one of the lucky ones who can just thank you for your book and the relief you have gave us. It was one of the worst times in my life and you really helped.
It’s already helped me. My daughter age 29 who has shut me out almost entirely – I’ve seen her one hour in three years – I don’t have her phone number or address – made a joke by email yesterday to me. First time she has been relaxed enough to make a joke in ten years!
I purchased your guide, printed it, and used it throughout my estrangement from my daughter & granddaughter. I spread the pages out all over my dining table and read, reread, took notes, prayed upon your words of help, guidance & comfort!…
I followed your advice, and took comfort in your explanations!… We are finally repairing our relationship, and working on a New Relationship, forming new boundaries for us all!
Please keep me on your call list, as I’m not ready to fly alone just yet & it brings comfort to know your now even a phone call away!
I was able to continue to keep communication open to [my daughter], because you helped me with exactly what mindset I needed to learn and exactly what words I needed to say. I literally used your suggestions word-for-word.
She has matured and changed so much, for the better, and I have been able to change my love language and accommodate her needs more, and help Dad to do the same.
Your latest newsletter that I received today is right on the money, with what I feel and need to hear.
BTW, although I am not participating “live” in the phone conferences, I am very thankful that you offer the recording to listen to, and I listen and learn…
Thanks so much for these monthly recorded sessions. I cannot begin to tell you how helpful they are.
I’m not one to usually get much from talk therapy, talking with friends, yes, but not professionals! But hearing mothers especially with similar problems with their kids is so helpful, reassuring that I’m not alone, etc. I had no idea it would be.
The discussion on money and estrangement was particularly on the mark with me.
Your book has been extremely helpful. I have appreciated your specific guidance and it has allowed me to dialogue with [my daughter] in a very effective way.
As she journeys through differentiation, she has thanked me a number of times for my respect of her space and in her Mother’s Day card, she thanked me again for my grace and patience.
I would not have been able to accomplish such a “safe” place with her without your book.
Another great recording, I learn and get so much support from hearing these.
Thank you Tina for writing your guide. I read it completely last night and found it to be very insightful.
I have a son that I do see, but there are periods of time where he doesn’t communicate with me and/or doesn’t respond to my emails. I have to draw him out to reestablish our relationship. The information helped me realize that there are some things I can do to improve my communication with him.
Your book is extraordinaire, a life-changing gift. I cried for hours while reading it and practicing the useful questions at the end of each section.
I felt accompanied and guided in a way that my inner Child needed very much, and my outer Parent too.
Thank you. I have already read this twice. This is amazing.
We read your book at the very start of this terrible estrangement and I have to say among the shed loads of information I tried to read, it stands alone. Your text was the only one I felt I could follow.
I will offer my prayers for you and your work today – this newsletter has been a tremendous encouragement to me today and I hope a further understanding that I can use to heal this precious relationship.
I finished reading your wise words and have begun implementing your tools like a road map. Thank you for what you have contributed to those of us who are grieving what we hope is a temporary loss.
I love your “allowing wallowing” attitude. I wish you the best, your work is so helpful, so needed and so valuable.
I really liked the guide. My situation with my daughter includes alcohol abuse so I took into consideration your warnings that the addiction may change how the guide would work for me, but I still got a lot out of it!!! Thanks!
I downloaded the guide last night and haven’t been able to put it down! What excellent advice, and from a viewpoint all my reading hasn’t shown up before!
I truly appreciate this guide that you’ve put together. It’s been a tremendous insight and helped me.
I accidentally bumped into your website and book. Just wanted to say that it was and still is a great support to me. Firstly providing explanations of what could have caused the situation and comforting to know that there are others like me out there.
I think the greatest learning for me from your book is how I myself use emotional cut-off to deal with certain situations – typically where I feel uncomfortable to communicate
I have just finished reading your guide. I really loved it – it has helped me.
Your book made me realize I DID know why she was mad at me and I’d been kidding myself I didn’t. That knowledge alone has really helped me and in a way gave me my power back – and stopped me from acting like a victim ! Thank you again.
I want to thank you for your guide, it is a concrete tool that I can implement.
I have never read anything that has helped me more than this. Thank you.
Thank you so much for the Parental Estrangement guide. I wish I’d had it before I made several mistakes in thinking and communicating, but at least I have it now to help me be able to put perspective on what my daughter is going thru and what I am feeling.
I have read dozens of books, and searched many internet sites, but your guide is really the best info that I have found.