Random Reflections
These articles represent a grab bag of thoughts on various subjects.
Perspective Changes
Walking through my local city park this morning, I noticed one else was there. ‘There’s no one in the park right now,’ I thought to myself. But then I remembered that I was in the park. So there was someone in the park after all. Small, spontaneous perspective shifts like this remind me that a change in perspective is always possible. As Daniel Kahneman said in Thinking, Fast and Slow, what we see is not …
Forgiveness is Not a Menu Option
Every time I talk about forgiveness, I run into disagreement. When I make the statement, “Forgiveness is not a choice,” I always get pushback from people who think I’m saying something else. What they think I’m saying is, “Hey, you know what would be fun? Why don’t you hang on to your hurt on purpose and refuse to forgive the person who hurt you, even though you so totally could forgive them if you wanted to? Doesn’t that sound great?” For the …
Getting in Fights with Strangers
I saw a video on Facebook. Two drivers, apparently contesting a parking space, were ramming each other’s cars. They were using their vehicles like bumper cars at an amusement park. But there was nothing amusing about the video. Below the video, people had left thousands of comments. Many decried the stupidity of the combatants. I don’t think low intelligence had anything to do with it. I saw rage. And I’ve been there. I’ve never rammed someone …
On the 12th Day of Therapy…
When my partner, Mike, first heard the Christmas carol The 12 Days of Christmas as a child, he thought the “partridge in a pear tree” was something about a “juniper tree.” I’m impressed that he knew the word “juniper” before he ever heard of a partridge. My own experience with The 12 Days of Christmas is that, as much as I respect holiday traditions, this is one that’s fun to monkey with. You can sing …
How Much Security Can You Stand?
Security is comfy, isn’t’ it? It’s like being able to stay home all day in your pajamas, surrounded by your stuff, knowing what to expect from the cat, the TV, and the kitchen faucet that drips once an hour. The big, ugly outside world isn’t there to bother you, or judge you, or expect anything from you. What would we do without a basic sense of security? Probably not much. Security allows us a reasonable …
“Sorry” Isn’t Always Good Enough
I’m on vacation this week, and my mom has come to town to join me on a couple of road trips. A few days ago we were in the tippy-left corner of Oregon, visiting the historic city of Astoria. Nestled in the hills at the mouth of the Columbia River, the town has a generous supply of hotels with river views. We checked out several on arrival before selecting the one that seemed to have …
Why Dogs (and SOME Cats) Make the Best Therapists
When it comes right down to it, no matter how much you might love all animals, you’re either a dog person or a cat person. (Of course, if you didn’t grow up with pets, it may be a mystery to you why anyone would want to share their home with animals of any kind. Isn’t it bad enough that spiders get in sometimes? Why bring in critters on purpose?) Today I’m outing myself as a …
Where the Nice Guys Are
Years before I was a serious-minded mental health professional, I was writing articles of a different sort. Today I thought I’d share with you an early offering from my young-free-and-single self who was fully immersed in the New York City dating scene circa 1999. Guys, this was written for women, but please read it and let me know what you think of this advice. How to Pick Up a Guy in a Bookstore 1. Spot …
Chestnuts Roasting…
Last year I received several comments from people who enjoyed the burning log video, so I thought I’d reprise it this year. No matter which holidays you celebrate I hope you’re warm and cozy this week, and enjoying time with friends or family. Chestnuts Roasting …
A Fun Idea for New Year’s Eve
No matter how you’re spending New Year’s Eve this year, whether alone, with a partner, with family or friends, here’s an idea for a fun and meaningful activity that will pay dividends beyond the holidays. Invite your peeps to get together and create a mini time capsule of ideas, predictions and goals for the coming year, to be opened on or around next year’s New Year’s Eve. Here’s what you’ll need: A piece of paper …
You Don’t Have to Let It Go
When I get mad or sad and someone tells me to “let it go,” I get madder and sadder. What terrible advice that is. “Let it go.” Ugh. What does that even mean? And anyway, it’s impossible. You can’t let go of what happened. It went down exactly the way it did, so there’s no changing (or “letting go” of) that. You can’t let go of the feeling you’re left with, either. The feeling has …
The Surest Way Not to Teach Kids Respect
I’m still on holiday this week, but in my absence I wanted to leave you with something nutritious to chew on. Since I’m too busy whooping it up on vacation to moderate comments, they’re not available for this post. However, you can leave comments over on PsychologyToday.com: Shaming Children Is Emotionally Abusive Next week I’ll share something on the lighter side.