Estrangement
For much more on trouble relationships between parents and adult children, read my book on this topic, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child. And if you’re an unwillingly estranged parent, join my community at ReconnectionClub.com. The Reconnection Club mailing list signup page is here.
Surviving Estrangement Anxiety
If you’ve been cut off by your adult child or children, you might experience some of the following signs and symptoms of anxiety: You worry excessively. Your breathing is often shallow and fast, rather than slow and deep. You can’t seem to relax, physically or mentally. You have trouble concentrating on other things. You do things you know you shouldn’t, because you can’t stop yourself. Anxiety in the face of unwanted estrangement is understandable. The …
Parent-Child Estrangement Is Sometimes (But Not Always) About Abuse
I received the following feedback about an excerpt from my book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child, and I wanted to respond. Unfortunately, the feedback was anonymous. Surely this person is not alone. So I thought I’d respond with a blog post… S/he wrote: I read through your entire page on Estrangement and I’ve got to say that it all felt a bit like you’re condoning the behaviour of abusive parents; telling them they need …
Getting Out From Under Parental Alienation Syndrome
Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) develops in a child when one parent poisons the child’s attitude toward the other parent, usually during or after the dissolution of the parents’ relationship. Children develop PAS when used as pawns in a war between their parents. Symptoms include anger, behavior problems and rejection of the alienated parent. The biggest loser in this scenario is the child, according to Kathy Hardie-Williams in her article on the topic (see below for …
“Why Is Estrangement Always the Parent’s Fault?”
I recently received the following feedback about the estrangement article on my website (which is not specifically about parents and children, but rather any estrangement). It’s so similar to the theme of other comments on that article, and to those posted here in When Adult Children Won’t Talk to Their Parents and Estrangement Takes Two, that I thought I should address it. A reader wrote: “I have the same question as I have with all …
Differentiation, Part 2
In last week’s post I talked about how differentiation can contribute to estrangement between parents and their young adult children. This continuation of that post talks about the married adult child, and offers some tips to help you trust the process. Remember, differentiation is a normal and healthy part of human development. It’s not due to a lack of gratitude or character. Everyone goes through differentiation, and if you pay very close attention to your …
Differentiation: “Normal” Estrangement From Parents?
Do you have an adult child under 30 who’s pulling away from you? It could be part of a normal process of development called differentiation. We all know that children eventually (or rapidly!) grow into adults, but not without going through some developmental stages. It’s easy to see these stages in kids’ behavior when they’re young. For example, something they used to love is now boring, or vice versa. But technically, all of us remain …
Estrangement Takes Two
If someone has cut you off, and the two of you aren’t speaking, it can feel like something is being done to you. It’s like you’re the victim and they’re the perpetrator. But if you take a step back and look at the entire picture over time, it’s probably not quite like that. Two Perpetrators, Two Victims Do you have an email, mailing address, website, or phone number for the person? Do you know where …
When Adult Children Won’t Talk to Their Parents
There’s an article about estrangement on my website that gets more feedback than any article I’ve written before or since. In that article, I offer strategies for the person who’s been cut off by someone and wants to get back together. The gist of it is this: Like it or not, whether you agree with them or not, the “cutter-offer” perceives a reason for cutting you off. If you want to reunite, it’s up to …
What to Do When Someone Won’t Talk to You
How to Deal with Rejection Important Note: If you were abandoned with no explanation by your parent(s), this article doesn’t apply to you. Parents of estranged adult children: Please see my book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child. Estrangement from important others is a sad fact of life for many people. One of the most painful experiences a parent can have is to be rejected by an adult child who appears to want nothing to …