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Tag Archives: Victim playing

Why We Need to Embrace Self-Pity

I love self-pity.

It’s so necessary, because nobody knows how bad things can get for us sometimes like we do.

The only problem I can see with self-pity is that we don’t do it enough!

“But what about all those self-pitying types who go on and on about what a bum deal they’ve gotten?,” you might ask. “Don’t they have enough self-pity for all of us?”

I’m glad you asked.

Those so-called self-pitying types are only playing at self-pity. Read More

“You Hurt My Feelings”

After last week’s post (Are Those Hurt Feelings Justified?) I received the following question in a comment from Anya:

“Now that you’ve validated the other person’s hurt feelings, what do you do with your own hurt feelings? Especially if you still feel on some level that you were unfairly attacked, singled out, or judged? Is this a point where you just have to let it go?”

I’ve heard the question before, and it’s a good one, so I thought I’d address it in this week’s post. Read More

Is It Them or Is it You?

Man talking on mobileThink about someone who’s super irritating.

Have you ever thought about why they bug you so much?

If you’ve ever wondered, “Is it just me, or is this person incredibly irritating?,” here are some thoughts on how to figure it out.

It’s probably THEM if:

1. Most people who know them share your opinion.

If they would come in dead last in a popularity contest, there’s a reason. And it ain’t you.

2. You’re not usually triggered by the behavior this person is exhibiting. Read More

Estrangement Takes Two, Part 2

Being cut off from someone you love is not only painful but apparently common, judging from the amount of feedback I receive about the estrangement advice on my website.

In that article, I advise the person who’s been cut off and wants to reconcile to act on all those good cliches: turn the other cheek, be the bigger person, and do whatever it takes to apologize and make amends.*

Outraged By Estrangement

Well.

That advice riles many readers. Read More