remorse

How to Talk to Yourself When You’re Upset

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cartoon woman with megaphoneHave you been using the T-R-U-T-H Technique for getting past difficult feelings after an upset?

Maybe there was an argument that left you feeling icky.

Maybe someone said or did something that hurt your feelings.

Maybe you hurt someone else’s feelings.

Instead of replaying the event over and over in your head, which just makes you feel worse and gets you stuck in those rotten feelings…

The T-R-U-T-H Technique gives you a way to make your wallowing constructive. Read More

What To Do When You’ve Made Someone Angry

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Once again, I’ve come across an article by Peter Bregman that I wish I’d written myself.

If you’ve read my post on how to apologize, you might have found yourself thinking, ‘Yeah, but I didn’t mean it that way. Can’t I just explain what I was thinking?’

Bregman explains why it’s consequences, rather than intentions, that carry the day in the mind of the person who’s mad at you.

What To Do When You’ve Made Someone Angry, by Peter Bregman. Read More

“You Hurt My Feelings”

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After last week’s post (Are Those Hurt Feelings Justified?) I received the following question in a comment from Anya:

“Now that you’ve validated the other person’s hurt feelings, what do you do with your own hurt feelings? Especially if you still feel on some level that you were unfairly attacked, singled out, or judged? Is this a point where you just have to let it go?”

I’ve heard the question before, and it’s a good one, so I thought I’d address it in this week’s post. Read More

How to Apologize

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Person apologizing“I’m sorry you feel that way” is one of those apologies that don’t exactly leave the person falling all over themselves to forgive you.

If you’re looking for forgiveness, or trying to repair a damaged relationship, there are two elements you can’t afford to leave out of your apology.

What and Why?

An effective apology conveys that…

1. You understand what you did, and

2. You know why it was hurtful/inappropriate/downright wrong.

Notice the “why” in the 2nd part isn’t why you said or did the thing you said or did; it’s why it was hurtful or wrong. Read More