negative thoughts

Early Experience Affects How We Deal With Feelings

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adult not understanding kid's feelings“Why do we find it so hard to sit with our own emotions?” asked one of the audience members at a talk I gave last Tuesday about constructive wallowing.

I think there are two reasons:

1. We’re hard-wired to avoid pain. If a feeling is unpleasant, we automatically try not to pay attention to it and hope it goes away.

Example: You’re reading on the patio when a thought strays into your mind … something about a letter from the IRS and unpaid taxes. Read More

Don’t Speak Up, Speak In

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If you’re in a workplace that’s sucking the life out of you, making you furious or otherwise driving you nuts, you might NOT want to speak up about it.

People who speak up about what’s wrong at work are often labeled negative.

If you have feelings about what’s going on in the workplace but you don’t want to make waves, telling yourself what’s up can calm you down.

Be Your Own Confidant

You may have friends at work, but can you trust them completely with sensitive information? Read More

Are You On Emotional Autopilot?

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Passengers in motionMany years ago when I lived in New York City, I helped a friend execute a brilliant gift idea for her mother’s birthday.

Because her mom lived far away, they couldn’t be together to celebrate, so my friend decided to send her something very special.

First, she made a giant sign that said HAPPY BIRTHDAY with her mom’s name on it.

Phase One complete.

Then she carried that enormous sign with her (on the subway, no less) to a series of recognizable New York City landmarks, and asked strangers to hold it up and wave while she took their picture. Read More

How to Deal With Negativity

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One person patiently listens to another who's upsetLittle Kidbit comes home from school and declares, “School sucks.”

Carl Coworker looks over the agenda for the upcoming meeting and sighs, “This is going to be a total waste of time.”

Spouse comes home from the grocery store and growls, “That grocery store has the worst parking in town.”

How do you respond?

It’s tempting to debate the facts of the case. You might even see it as an opportunity to do some “positivity training.” Read More