How to Deal With a Persnickety Friend

Do you have a friend who’s got you walking on eggshells — someone who makes you feel like you’re not a good person, let alone a good friend?

Friendship on Probation

I have a friend like this. Everything I do feels like it’s never quite right, or quite enough.

Each piece of positive feedback, every supportive email, all the small accommodations I cheerfully make around  her personal preferences — it’s like these are thrown down a well. Read More

Mind-Reading is Bad for Relationships

Mind-reading glasses?Are you good at reading people? Do you easily pick up on the moods or feelings of others? If the answer is Yes, here’s some food for thought.

For some years I facilitated therapy groups for people interested in personal growth. This involved interviewing potential new members to make sure the fit was right for both the person and the group.

It was through one of these interviews that I met Enola (not her real name), who told me an unfortunately typical story of a childhood filled with material things and virtually devoid of emotional connection. Read More

How We Change

Coins in hand
Some change comes easy… but psychological change doesn’t.

I’ve been thinking about some personal changes I’d like to make, and it’s reminding me of why change is so hard.

A good friend recently pointed out some things about my behavior that I could have sworn were really about her. That is, I thought she was judging my actions through a lens clouded by her own psychological “stuff.”

In the end, after a lengthy discussion, I had to admit she was right: It was not her stuff, but my stuff she was observing. Read More