Almost All Problems Are Emotional

girl cryingWhen’s the last time you had a problem that wasn’t emotional?

Car broke down? You probably made a call or two and got it fixed; no real problem there except for the annoyance and/or frustration it caused you.

Couldn’t pay your mortgage? Losing your home to foreclosure would be an “oh, well” proposition without good old-fashioned fear, desperation and grief — emotional experiences, to be sure.

I recently wrote a post about how problems are almost always emotional (and so, therefore, are solutions) over at my new blog home-away-from-home on Read More

Emotional Regulation Is Nonsense

Every time I hear the term “emotional regulation” (or “emotion regulation”) I throw a tiny fit inside my head. And since it crops up often in my field, I’m throwing little fits all the time.

(If you ask me what time it is, and I stare blankly at you, it’s because I’m having one of these fits. Give me a moment and then try again.)

I don’t mind telling you I hate that phrase. I spit on it. Read More

How to Deal With Anger

anger in the officeAnger has never hurt anyone.

You read that right: Anger has never hurt anyone. “But what about homicide? Domestic violence? Bar fights?” you ask. “Those are the results of anger, and people definitely do get hurt.”

People are hurt by physical aggression, not by anger.

Aggression is a behavior, and it can definitely hurt people. But anger itself is only a feeling, and like any other feeling, it’s harmless in and of itself.

However, there are people who don’t know what to do with their angry feelings. Read More

Don’t Just Talk About Feelings

microphone in meeting room Under my November post entitled How to Stop Ruminating, Marty left this comment:

“You’re right that ruminating, at least in my case, is an attempt to figure out what’s wrong and what to do about it. So let’s say I go to the feelings behind this, and they happen to be “fearful”, “alienated”, and “grieved.” And then I say, yes, I feel afraid, I don’t feel like my life works for me, and I have pain about the past. Read More