“You Hurt My Feelings”

After last week’s post (Are Those Hurt Feelings Justified?) I received the following question in a comment from Anya:

“Now that you’ve validated the other person’s hurt feelings, what do you do with your own hurt feelings? Especially if you still feel on some level that you were unfairly attacked, singled out, or judged? Is this a point where you just have to let it go?”

I’ve heard the question before, and it’s a good one, so I thought I’d address it in this week’s post. Read More

Making Sense of “Irrational” Anger

It’s always exciting to come across an article I wish I’d written myself. This week’s post from Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. is one of those gems.

Emotions — anger and every other one I know of — always make sense. Even when you’re the one having the feeling and even YOU don’t know why!

There’s always a reason for the way you feel. And no, it’s not that you’re being irrational or making a big deal about nothing. Read More

What to Do After an Argument

It’s the day after an argument. Maybe it was just a few harsh words, or an awkward interaction, but you’re feeling pretty bad about the whole thing. You wish it had gone differently.

What do you do now?

Well, that depends on exactly what kind of bad you’re feeling.

The Remorse Test

If you’re not sure exactly what you’re feeling, try this simple test for remorse:

In your imagination, picture yourself apologizing to the other person. Read More

How to Apologize

Person apologizing“I’m sorry you feel that way” is one of those apologies that don’t exactly leave the person falling all over themselves to forgive you.

If you’re looking for forgiveness, or trying to repair a damaged relationship, there are two elements you can’t afford to leave out of your apology.

What and Why?

An effective apology conveys that…

1. You understand what you did, and

2. You know why it was hurtful/inappropriate/downright wrong.

Notice the “why” in the 2nd part isn’t why you said or did the thing you said or did; it’s why it was hurtful or wrong. Read More