How to Stop Obsessing Over Things You Can’t Control

Obsessing creates a feedback loopWe’ve all heard how bad it is to ruminate — that is, to chew on something troubling, turning it over and over in your mind.

Doing this makes you feel worse instead of better, so according to traditional wisdom, you’re supposed to watch your thoughts.

You’re supposed to just STOP if you find yourself ruminating.

But no one tells you how.

Feels So Bad It’s Good

The reason no one tells you how you’re supposed to stop ruminating is because it’s not clear how to do it besides simply using willpower. Read More

The Truth About Anxiety, Part 2

In my last post (The Truth About Anxiety, Part 1), I mentioned that anxiety typically has two common causes.

The first was insecurity. Makes sense, right? Feeling insecure is a simple recipe for anxiety. Especially when bad things have happened in the past, or could realistically happen in the future.

The second common cause is emotional constipation – the buildup of suppressed emotions.

If insecurity is the outcome of external threats, emotional constipation creates internal ones. Read More

The Truth About Anxiety, Part 1

I’m on an email list consisting of hundreds of counselors. We write to each other with referral requests, and recently someone sent out an email to the list looking for a counselor to work with a young woman with “clinical levels” of anxiety (read: significant).

The young woman’s family was described as not being committed to her treatment. Their support for her was politely referred to as “intermittent,” which was illustrated in the email as, “we support you getting help today, next week we might not.” Read More