Psychotherapist, Author, Estrangement Consultant
When I get mad or sad and someone tells me to “let it go,” I get madder and sadder.
What terrible advice that is. “Let it go.”
Ugh. What does that even mean?
And anyway, it’s impossible.
You can’t let go of what happened. It went down exactly the way it did, so there’s no changing (or “letting go” of) that.
You can’t let go of the feeling you’re left with, either.
The feeling has to “let go” of you first. Read More
Self-pity has a bad rap.
When people confess to me in therapy, “I had a pity party last week,” they’re usually embarrassed about it.
They look as if they’re admitting they made a mean face at a baby or threw a plastic cup on the freeway shoulder.
Their faces say, “I know I shouldn’t do that, but I did it anyway.”
Well, I tell them — and I’m here to tell you — there’s nothing wrong with self-pity. Read More
If you’re nursing a grievance, you’re not alone.
Without a heartfelt apology (which isn’t always available), or even with that apology, sometimes it can take a long time to feel better.
Being wronged is like being injured physically. Healing takes time.
No one expects a broken bone to heal overnight, nor should we expect ourselves to be okay with what happened immediately… or ever.
Assuming you want to reach forgiveness, though, remember that hurt feelings can build on other hurt feelings from the past. Read More
If you’re in a workplace that’s sucking the life out of you, making you furious or otherwise driving you nuts, you might NOT want to speak up about it.
People who speak up about what’s wrong at work are often labeled negative.
If you have feelings about what’s going on in the workplace but you don’t want to make waves, telling yourself what’s up can calm you down.
You may have friends at work, but can you trust them completely with sensitive information? Read More