Self-Help

Find support for healing and change in these practical self-help articles.

Make the Most of Being Down in the Dumps

In an earlier post this year, Is Depression Hiding Your Career Path? I suggested that your passion, if you’ve lost it, might be hiding behind depression. We looked at a long list of symptoms. How many applied to you? I think mild depression is a silent epidemic, like not-washing your hands after using the toilet, …

Decision-Making Tip: Put First Things First

Making decisions is hard for many of us, and I’ve often heard that it’s because in order to pick one thing, you have to rule out all the other things you could do. That’s true, of course. And it’s a bummer. But there’s another factor that I’ve seen trip people up when it comes to …

6 Questions to Ask When You Don’t Reach Your Goals

This week I taught a class on goal-setting. Somebody raised a question that I hear so often, I was inspired to write about it today. The question was this: “What happens if I give myself a deadline to achieve my goal, and the deadline comes and goes, and I didn’t achieve it?” When that happens, …

Stop Sabotaging Your Own Goals

Recently, in a class I was teaching on goal-setting, someone raised the topic of self-sabotage. “Why do we do that to ourselves?” I asked the class. “Habit,” came the immediate reply from a participant. “We don’t mean to do it, we just do it,” said someone else. They are so right! The question is, why …

Procrastination Can Be Productive

Procrastination can be productive, especially for creative types. Often when I talk with people who are down on themselves about not moving forward, it turns out there’s something that’s not yet in place — something they need before they can take the next step. Maybe it’s a decision that needs to be made, or information …

What Does “Be Yourself” Mean?

Got a job interview? Going on a first date? Meeting the in-laws? Just be yourself! What does that actually mean, though? Since you can’t be anyone else, this advice doesn’t seem to make sense. It’s like saying, “Just have skin!” Obviously the idea is to cultivate relaxation and confidence. We can train ourselves to physically …

4 Motivation Killers and What to Do About Them

When it comes to my career, I’m definitely motivated. As a self-employed therapist, teacher and self-help writer, I’ve always got several pots on the stove, and I rarely lack energy to do what needs to be done. But when it comes to home improvements… Ehh. Not so much. Oh, sure, I’d like to rearrange the …

Never Waste a Day Again

I was sitting with a client the other day who’s having a hard time getting unstuck after a series of challenges in her life. She feels like she’s just going through the motions and spinning her wheels. It’s extra difficult for her to feel that way because she’s been a workhorse her whole life. She’s …

How to Deal With Anger

Anger has never hurt anyone. You read that right: Anger has never hurt anyone. “But what about homicide? Domestic violence? Bar fights?” you ask. “Those are the results of anger, and people definitely do get hurt.” People are hurt by physical aggression, not by anger. Aggression is a behavior, and it can definitely hurt people. But …

Which Career is Right for You?

If you have a feeling there’s something special you’re supposed to do in this lifetime, that’s your heart calling to you. It’s saying, “Give your gifts to the world!” What if your heart has been calling to you, but you can’t figure out what it’s saying? Finding your true calling is both easier and harder …

Conversations With Your Ex

Are you hurting from a breakup? Experiencing relationship trouble? Sad or angry about something that happened long ago, or full of regret because you feel you hurt someone? You might be able to heal a little bit faster using a technique developed by my friend Jody, who agreed to let me use her name in …

How to Soothe Yourself

Here’s a way to soothe anxiety that doesn’t alienate people, destroy your liver or stunt your emotional growth. Whenever I’ve had a difficult conversation with someone important to me, or even an unpleasant interaction with a stranger,  I tend to feel a little queasy emotionally. If I pay attention, I usually find I’m feeling anxious …