Relationships

These articles focus on relationship issues and communication.

What to Do When Someone Cries

As a psychotherapist, my work frequently involves watching people cry. I probably spend as much on Kleenex every year as other professionals spend on printer paper. Far from being fazed by tears, I welcome them because I know how healing they can be. But that hasn’t always been the case… A Short History of My …

“You Hurt My Feelings”

After last week’s post (Are Those Hurt Feelings Justified?) I received the following question in a comment from Anya: “Now that you’ve validated the other person’s hurt feelings, what do you do with your own hurt feelings? Especially if you still feel on some level that you were unfairly attacked, singled out, or judged? Is …

Are Those Hurt Feelings Justified?

If someone says to you, “You hurt my feelings,” how much evidence do you require before apologizing? What if you don’t agree that what you did was hurtful? What if you never meant to hurt the person? Should you still apologize even though you meant no harm? What if they’re hurt or angry about something …

Making Sense of “Irrational” Anger

It’s always exciting to come across an article I wish I’d written myself. This week’s post from Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. is one of those gems. Emotions — anger and every other one I know of — always make sense. Even when you’re the one having the feeling and even YOU don’t know why! There’s …

Sometimes We Just Need Someone to Talk to

Lovely article by a fellow therapist this week, who writes: “What has tragically gotten lost […] is the core human need to talk to a wise, compassionate, other human being about our suffering.” If it’s true that we’re not our brains, just popping a pill for depression won’t make the ache go away. Click below …

What to Do After an Argument

It’s the day after an argument. Maybe it was just a few harsh words, or an awkward interaction, but you’re feeling pretty bad about the whole thing. You wish it had gone differently. What do you do now? Well, that depends on exactly what kind of bad you’re feeling. The Remorse Test If you’re not …

Throw Out the Need to Be Right

I recently read a book by Gail Blanke called Throw Out Fifty Things. It’s about clearing clutter, and it was a really good read. An eye-opener. She talks in the book about not only physical but also mental and emotional clutter, and how to deal with it. The need to be right is one that …

Is It Them or Is it You?

Think about someone who’s super irritating. Have you ever thought about why they bug you so much? If you’ve ever wondered, “Is it just me, or is this person incredibly irritating?,” here are some thoughts on how to figure it out. It’s probably THEM if: 1. Most people who know them share your opinion. If …

“Stop Crying, Or I’ll Give You Something to Cry About”

Did you ever hear these words when you were a kid? Have you said them yourself? If you were told, “Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about,” here’s what you learned: 1. The world is a dangerous place. If Mommy or Daddy or Grandma or the babysitter threatens to make you cry, …

What to Do When Your Feelings Are Hurt

When your feelings are hurt in a relationship, sometimes it seems like your only choices are 1) exact revenge, 2) stop talking to the person, or 3) try to forgive and forget. But there’s another choice, one that’s often the better way to go with relationships that are important to you, and that is to …

How to Apologize

“I’m sorry you feel that way” is one of those apologies that don’t exactly leave the person falling all over themselves to forgive you. If you’re looking for forgiveness, or trying to repair a damaged relationship, there are two elements you can’t afford to leave out of your apology. What and Why? An effective apology …

Conversations With Your Ex

Are you hurting from a breakup? Experiencing relationship trouble? Sad or angry about something that happened long ago, or full of regret because you feel you hurt someone? You might be able to heal a little bit faster using a technique developed by my friend Jody, who agreed to let me use her name in …