Relationships
These articles focus on relationship issues and communication.
The Secret Ingredient in Healthy Relationships
Alice’s husband, Bob, does something that hurts her feelings. So what does she do? Alice tells Bob he’s insensitive and inconsiderate. This hurts Bob’s feelings. So what does he do? Bob responds by telling Alice she’s too demanding. An argument ensues, of course. And it never really gets resolved. Bob and Alice get into it like this at least once a week. Both are unhappy about it. Neither one believes the relationship to be healthy, …
Forgiveness Tips If You’ve Been Wronged
If you’re nursing a grievance, you’re not alone. Without a heartfelt apology (which isn’t always available), or even with that apology, sometimes it can take a long time to feel better. Being wronged is like being injured physically. Healing takes time. No one expects a broken bone to heal overnight, nor should we expect ourselves to be okay with what happened immediately… or ever. Assuming you want to reach forgiveness, though, remember that hurt feelings …
6 Tips for Better Boundaries
Today’s post is essentially a letter to myself, in that it’s about something I struggle with personally: Boundaries. Check it out. It’s like I wrote myself a boundaries to-do list, and you just happen to be reading along. If you have trouble with boundaries sometimes and can relate, that’s awesome. But basically I’m writing for myself this week. Please leave a note in the comments if you have any words of inspiration or tips to …
4 Tips for Dealing With Stubborn People
Have you ever offered perfectly good advice to a loved one and been baffled as to why it fell on deaf ears? I have. When the best course of action is clear and yet remains ignored by the person who most needs that knowledge, what’s going on? This week I had the privilege of reading the transcript of a recent address by psychoanalyst Elio Frattaroli, author of one of my favorite books, Healing the Soul …
Left Out? 3 Survival Strategies for the Fifth Wheel
Have you ever been with two other people and felt like the odd one out? Did it seem like nobody would notice or care if you weren’t there? In that case you know what it’s like to be the fifth wheel. Huh? Don’t I mean the third wheel? Not unless you experienced yourself as a stabilizing influence! Joining two people on a date doesn’t make you a third wheel; it just makes you a third …
Are You Emotionally Available?
“If only my partner were more emotionally available.” Have you heard this before? Have you said it yourself? Whenever emotional availability becomes an issue in a relationship, it’s wise to take stock of both partners’ emotional styles. Why? Because if you’re with a person who’s emotionally unavailable, it’s an inescapable fact that, well … you’re with them. Presumably you’re with them by choice. But if you’ve been kidnapped, tell me where you are and I’ll …
What To Do When You’ve Made Someone Angry
Once again, I’ve come across an article by Peter Bregman that I wish I’d written myself. If you’ve read my post on how to apologize, you might have found yourself thinking, ‘Yeah, but I didn’t mean it that way. Can’t I just explain what I was thinking?’ Bregman explains why it’s consequences, rather than intentions, that carry the day in the mind of the person who’s mad at you. What To Do When You’ve Made …
Listening Is the Cheapest Medicine
Psychotherapy has been called “The Talking Cure.” It might be more accurate to call it “The Listening Cure.” Being listened to is healing, because it’s a way to be understood. And being understood is like a tall, cool drink on a hot summer day. Marriage & family therapist Cynthia Lubox speaks eloquently about the power of being listened to in this article: When Someone Really Listens, We Heal The key word in the title above …
Are Those Hurt Feelings Justified?
If someone says to you, “You hurt my feelings,” how much evidence do you require before apologizing? What if you don’t agree that what you did was hurtful? What if you never meant to hurt the person? Should you still apologize even though you meant no harm? What if they’re hurt or angry about something that’s either ridiculously minor or entirely imaginary, and they won’t let it go? Now they’ve got YOU feeling hurt, angry, …