Psychology
These articles feature psychological topics.
Are You Struggling to Be Happy?
Happiness feels so much better when it’s spontaneous, doesn’t it? You’re walking in the woods with your dog, or letting your hair down with your favorite friends, and suddenly you realize that in this moment, life is good. You feel happy! But those moments aren’t really within your control. Happiness happens when it happens. IF it happens. In a way, we can’t help trying to be happy. We’re programmed to strive for it. It’s the …
Breaking the Cycle of Invisibility
In last week’s post (Are You Easy to Ignore?) I talked about how childhood experiences can make us feel invisible. If you’re used to feeling like others aren’t interested in you, you might be frustrated. I hope you’re also wondering what’s really going on, and how you might be able to change it. I fear there’s something in you that suspects you know the answer, and it ain’t pretty. Could it be true that you’re …
Are You Easy to Ignore?
Here’s an interesting stat for you: One hundred percent of adults I see in therapy who feel invisible, have felt that way since childhood. What about you? Do you ever feel invisible? By invisible I mean emotionally and socially blending in with the furniture. Do you ever feel as though nothing would be different in a given setting if you weren’t physically there? Like you don’t have much of an impact on people around you? …
Feeling Defensive
I’ve become aware of a subtle but persistent defensiveness inside me. It’s not like the protesting defensiveness when I’m attacked for my opinion or my personal hygiene. It’s not that loud or obvious. It’s less relational, more personal. Like a constant whisper inside that perhaps only I can hear. Now that I’m aware of it — not that I always am, because it comes and goes silently, like a nocturnal predator — I can just …
How to Feel Whole
What’s so great about feeling whole? Everything! When you’re a whole person, you’re empowered. You’ve got access to all your resources, especially motivation, interest and energy. You can accomplish what you set out to do. More importantly, being whole means you’re ready to live the life that’s meant for you. Wholeness is your passport to your destiny. The Whole Truth Relationships, work and all kinds of projects are easier when you feel whole. You bring …
Knowing Something vs. “Getting” It
When it comes to personal development, there are no new ideas. There are only ideas we’ve had in our heads for a while, that we finally “get” and start living by. Is there a saying or a principle you’ve always known, that you only just recently “got”? It’s kind of frustrating when you have an insight like this. If you try to talk about it or write it down, it usually ends up sounding obvious. …
The Truth About Anxiety, Part 1
I’m on an email list consisting of hundreds of counselors. We write to each other with referral requests, and recently someone sent out an email to the list looking for a counselor to work with a young woman with “clinical levels” of anxiety (read: significant). The young woman’s family was described as not being committed to her treatment. Their support for her was politely referred to as “intermittent,” which was illustrated in the email as, …
“I don’t want to be mean”
Picture the scene: I’m in the grocery store (yes, again) and I’ve just gone through the self-checkout. I’m on foot; no car or bike waits for me outside. It’s pouring rain, I’m a good 25 minutes from home and my purchases don’t seem to fit in my waterproof backpack. Because of the city’s ban on plastic bags, it’s either the backpack or a paper bag that will disintegrate before I’m halfway home. I’m feeling uncomfortably …
How We Change
I’ve been thinking about some personal changes I’d like to make, and it’s reminding me of why change is so hard. A good friend recently pointed out some things about my behavior that I could have sworn were really about her. That is, I thought she was judging my actions through a lens clouded by her own psychological “stuff.” In the end, after a lengthy discussion, I had to admit she was right: It was not …
Shame is a Useless Emotion
You might think that without shame, the world would fall into chaos. If we never felt ashamed of ourselves, we wouldn’t care if our actions inconvenienced, embarrassed or emotionally devastated others because no matter what we did, we wouldn’t experience the emotional consequences of our behavior. Thus, shame seems useful. At home, at work, even at parties, where skinny dipping or double-dipping might get out of control, shame seems to help us hold the line …