Constructive Wallowing
These articles feature the practice of constructive wallowing. Learn more about Tina’s Constructive Wallowing book on Amazon.
Is It a Breakdown or a Breakthrough?
Has life ever pushed you to your emotional limits? If so, you probably already know that surviving a crisis can be a positive turning point in your life. This week’s post is by Melissa Dinwiddie, who writes about what she calls “the liberation of a breakdown.” Here’s an excerpt: It’s disheartening when everything you’ve worked hard to build tumbles down like a castle made of children’s blocks, and it’s scary to start down a new …
Reconnect with Your Authentic Self
If you’ve read any of my other posts categorized under “Constructive Wallowing,” you’ll know how happy and excited I was to read the following post by Tim McAuley. (It was reblogged by Mary Rogers on her blog, Bipolar Lessons, which is how I came across it.) In this post, Tim takes on two pieces of common self-help wisdom, “You just have to be positive” and “Just fake it till you make it.” Tim writes, “Before …
Are You On Emotional Autopilot?
Many years ago when I lived in New York City, I helped a friend execute a brilliant gift idea for her mother’s birthday. Because her mom lived far away, they couldn’t be together to celebrate, my friend decided to send her something very special. First, she made a giant sign that said HAPPY BIRTHDAY with her mom’s name on it. Phase One complete. Then she carried that enormous sign with her (on the subway, no …
What to Do When Your Feelings Are Hurt
When your feelings are hurt in a relationship, sometimes it seems like your only choices are 1) exact revenge, 2) stop talking to the person, or 3) try to forgive and forget. But there’s another choice, one that’s often the better way to go with relationships that are important to you, and that is to communicate about what happened and how you feel about it. For many of us, that’s a tall order. We have …
It Takes More Than Time to Heal Emotional Wounds
They say time heals everything, but as a therapist, I know that’s not true. Yes, the pain over that breakup with your high school sweetheart has faded to a distant memory. At the time, you were devastated. You felt like the world was coming to an end. But you survived the end of the world. You rebuilt your life. You were young and strong. You healed. Pack Up Your Troubles? High-school breakups are something that …
4 Ways Parents Can Help Kids Deal With Feelings
This week I’m honored, thrilled, tickled — you name it, I’m feeling it! — to play host to author and parenting renegade Heather Shumaker. When I found out about her recently published book, I just knew she was someone I wanted to hear more from. And when you read what she has to say, I think you’ll agree that her “renegade” rules make perfect sense. So without further ado, here’s a tasty tidbit of Heather’s …
Don’t Just Talk About Feelings
Under my November post entitled How to Stop Ruminating, Marty left this comment: “You’re right that ruminating, at least in my case, is an attempt to figure out what’s wrong and what to do about it. So let’s say I go to the feelings behind this, and they happen to be “fearful”, “alienated”, and “grieved.” And then I say, yes, I feel afraid, I don’t feel like my life works for me, and I have …
Are You Keeping Secrets From Yourself?
This is a continuation of How to Feel Whole (September 2012). One way to stay whole is to refuse to keep secrets from yourself. You know what it feels like to keep secrets. It’s trying not think about something that’s uncomfortable to think about, or taking a different perspective on something in order NOT to feel the way you feel. The problem with keeping secrets like this is that you actually need to know the …
Why We NEED to Sweat the Small Stuff
Everyone has emotional pain. No one is immune to the slings and arrows of life on this earth, and most of us have unhealed hurts from our time here. We think we can let go of the pain of things that happen to us, but it’s not that easy. We didn’t choose the pain in the first place; what makes us think we can choose not to have it? Nature’s Way of Getting Over It …
No One Deserves Compassion More Than You Do
The photograph – a closeup of one person’s hand in another’s – is arresting. The hand on the right, palm up, is that of a white person. The hand lying palm-down in the white hand is that of a very small, shockingly emaciated black person. Probably a starving child. Probably in Africa. The caption reads, “You hate your life, while some people dream of having your life.” The photo appeared on the Facebook page of …
The Truth About Anxiety, Part 2
In my last post (The Truth About Anxiety, Part 1), I mentioned that anxiety typically has two common causes. The first was insecurity. Makes sense, right? Feeling insecure is a simple recipe for anxiety. Especially when bad things have happened in the past, or could realistically happen in the future. The second common cause is emotional constipation – the buildup of suppressed emotions. If insecurity is the outcome of external threats, emotional constipation creates internal …
The Self-Compassion Cure
Self-compassion might not help you find a job, but it reminds you of your value while you search. Self-compassion might not erase the regrettable thing you said or did, but it allows you to forgive yourself. Self-compassion might not bring back a lost love, but it nurtures you while you grieve. Self-compassion might not protect you from rejection by others, but it prevents you from abandoning yourself. Self-compassion might not buy you a house, but …