Estrangement

Attribution Theory and Relationship Trouble

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attribution theory says rude behavior may be circumstantialWhen someone acts badly, it’s tempting to see them as simply a rude, selfish, or inconsiderate person. But it might not be quite so simple.

Attribution Theory says that when others behave badly, we tend to attribute their bad behavior to personality. But when we behave in similar ways, we think of our behavior in terms of an exception to a general rule (i.e., good behavior).

We’re always the hero in our own minds, doing the best we can under the circumstances. Read More

Parent-Child Estrangement Is Sometimes (But Not Always) About Abuse

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Girl, upset, with mother in backgroundI received the following feedback about an excerpt from my book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child, and I wanted to respond.

Unfortunately, the feedback was anonymous.

Surely this person is not alone. So I thought I’d respond with a blog post…

S/he wrote:

I read through your entire page on Estrangement and I’ve got to say that it all felt a bit like you’re condoning the behaviour of abusive parents; telling them they need not feel any remorse for the suffering they’ve caused and they need to practice more self-compassion.

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Estrangement Takes Two, Part 2

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Being cut off from someone you love is not only painful but apparently common, judging from the amount of feedback I receive about the estrangement advice on my website.

In that article, I advise the person who’s been cut off and wants to reconcile to act on all those good cliches: turn the other cheek, be the bigger person, and do whatever it takes to apologize and make amends.*

Outraged By Estrangement

Well.

That advice riles many readers. Read More

Estrangement Takes Two

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If someone has cut you off, and the two of you aren’t speaking, it can feel like something is being done to you. It’s like you’re the victim and they’re the perpetrator.

But if you take a step back and look at the entire picture over time, it’s probably not quite like that.

Two Perpetrators, Two Victims

Do you have an email, mailing address, website, or phone number for the person?

Do you know where they work or play? Read More