Constructive Wallowing

How to Talk to Yourself When You’re Upset

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cartoon woman with megaphoneHave you been using the T-R-U-T-H Technique for getting past difficult feelings after an upset?

Maybe there was an argument that left you feeling icky.

Maybe someone said or did something that hurt your feelings.

Maybe you hurt someone else’s feelings.

Instead of replaying the event over and over in your head, which just makes you feel worse and gets you stuck in those rotten feelings…

The T-R-U-T-H Technique gives you a way to make your wallowing constructive. Read More

“Negative” Feelings and the Law of Attraction

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woman looking through rainy windowOccasionally someone tells me with dread that they don’t want to feel depressed because the Law of Attraction will bring more bad things to them if they let themselves go down that path.

Now myself, I do believe in the attractive power of intention.

There’s nothing magical about it; when we think about things a certain way, we tend to behave in ways that match our beliefs.

Our behavior has consequences.

Example: If I’m sure no one likes me, I’m more likely to act in ways that are off-putting to others, e.g., Read More

Early Experience Affects How We Deal With Feelings

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adult not understanding kid's feelings“Why do we find it so hard to sit with our own emotions?” asked one of the audience members at a talk I gave last Tuesday about constructive wallowing.

I think there are two reasons:

1. We’re hard-wired to avoid pain. If a feeling is unpleasant, we automatically try not to pay attention to it and hope it goes away.

Example: You’re reading on the patio when a thought strays into your mind … something about a letter from the IRS and unpaid taxes. Read More

6 Tips for a Good Cry

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young man cryingHave you had a good cry lately?

How about a bad one?

Tears can definitely go either way.

Sometimes you feel better when you’re done, but other times you just feel drained.

Not all tears are healing, it seems.

While crying does have some observable physiological benefits, the way you talk to yourself when you’re crying is at least as important as the fact that you’re crying at all.

The trick is to cultivate self-compassion. Read More