Introducing Constructive Wallowing

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What is constructive wallowing?

It’s being free to feel your emotions, exactly as they are, without fear (unless what you’re feeling is fear. You can’t exactly feel that without fear!).

It means protecting your emotional and physical health by bringing some ease and compassion to your daily life.

The phrase came to me in the shower one day — that magical place where all great ideas and many not-so-great ones seem to take shape.

I was thinking about a client who was going through a painful breakup but insisted, “I don’t want to wallow!” Read More

Step Up to the Plate and Think Like a Country

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More often than not, when I have a problem and need to make a decision, I ask other people what they would do if they were in my shoes. Then I decide whether to follow their advice or … ask someone else!

I’ve always thought of this as due diligence, but if I’m honest with myself, the real reason I ask for input is NOT so that I can weigh all my options judiciously like King Solomon; it’s just that I can’t be bothered to decide for myself. Read More

Unbidden thoughts of catastrophe

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Recently I asked this question on my Facebook page:

“Do you ever have spontaneous daydreams about awful things happening, like, ‘What if I was mowing the lawn and I accidentally ran over my foot?'”

No one replied. I’m relatively new to the social networking scene and still learning the ropes. I’m guessing no one answered because they were thinking, “Why on earth are you asking me that? … Weirdo.”

Here’s why I was asking. I have to believe I’m not the only one whose imagination occasionally gets hijacked by spontaneous images of disaster. Read More

What to Do When Someone Won’t Talk to You

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Sad teddy bear estranged from stuffed bunny

Estrangement from important others is a sad fact of life for many people. One of the most painful experiences a parent can have is to be rejected by an adult child who appears to want nothing to do with them. Estrangement between siblings, in-laws, neighbors, even coworkers, is also common.

The reasons for estrangement are as diverse as the parties involved. Sometimes there was a very close relationship in the past, and something happened that created distance.

This may have happened either slowly over time or rather suddenly, but once that distance was created, it solidified into estrangement. Or, the relationship was never as close as it could have been, and the gap just kept getting wider, until there was no relationship at all.

If you're estranged from an adult child, a sibling or someone in your social circle, and the estrangement is their choice rather than yours, you're probably feeling rejected.

Rejection is a powerful emotion that can lead to all sorts of defensive behavior, which in turn can further alienate the rejecting person. If someone has chosen to have little or no contact with you, it's important to acknowledge any softer feelings you may have about that.