Do you feel like you’ve lost your son or daughter?
When your adult child won’t talk to you (or your spouse), it’s heart-breaking.
You feel sad whenever you think about it, which is often.
You wonder what you did to deserve this, if anything.
Maybe you’re angry — why does he or she have to do this to you, or to the family?
You feel embarrassed when friends ask about your child. You don’t know what to tell them. It’s humiliating … and so very sad, not to be able to talk about your own child with pride and ease.
Not to be able to talk to your own child is more painful than anyone who hasn’t been through it can readily understand.
In that sense, estrangement is a problem that isolates you.
Estrangement (n.): The state of being separated by emotional and/or physical distanceParent-Child Estrangement is Complicated
A successful business executive, we’ll call him Harv, lost touch with his teen-aged daughter after he and her mother divorced.
At first he kept in limited touch, his access restricted by his ex-wife.
But a few years later, after she was living on her own, Harv began emailing his daughter regularly, expressing his desire to rebuild their relationship.
His daughter didn’t respond to his emails for months … until one day, she did.
She told him she was angry at him, and wasn’t sure she wanted to have a relationship.
What was Harv to do? He’d made every effort to shield her from the worst of the divorce. He’d tried hard to stay in touch with his daughter despite her mother’s attempts to separate them.
Harv had no idea why she was angry, or what to do about it.
When Closeness Ends, A Journey Begins
If you’ve been left out in the cold like Harv was, you’ve probably tried sending email. Maybe you’ve sent cards, gifts or money. Or toys for a grandchild.
You might even be paying bills on your child’s behalf, and either not receiving a thank-you or getting only cursory communication that feels like rejection all over again.
Getting no positive response to anything you tried, you might have gone online to search for solutions.
Maybe you found a book or two. Maybe you discovered an online forum where heart-broken parents offer each other solace, kind words, and advice.
You may be a little wiser, feel a tiny bit less alone, but still nothing has changed.
The first thing you need to do is forgive yourself. For being in this situation. For anything you wish you could do over. For being human instead of perfect.
There are good people all over the world whose grown children have decided they’re better off without them. You don’t have to be a terrible parent, or a terrible person, for your son or daughter to reject you.
Can You Be the Change You Wish to See?
If you have regrets about your parenting, that’s a good sign. It means you’re not deluding yourself. The reality is, no one gets it 100% right. Not even close.
Your conscientiousness, that desire to do right by your child, will serve you well as you apply yourself to healing the relationship.
Once you’ve started to forgive yourself, the next step is to take your power back.
Railing against the younger generation’s selfishness or entitlement won’t bring your child back to you. It will only cement the divide. It will keep you powerless, and nothing will change.
If you intuitively understand that you need to BE the change you want to see in your relationships, I have something to offer you. Something that has changed many lives already.
It’s called the Guide for Parents of Estranged Adult Children, and it’s a compendium of my very best advice, tips, and tools for parents in your shoes.
I’ve gathered “insider information” over the years, talking first to adult children who reject their parents, and later to parents forsaken by adult children.
Get Help from an Estrangement Counselor
To the insights I’ve gained from talking with many other people in your position, I added my psychological training to create a road map to reconciliation that you can download and read in less time (and for far less money) than it would take for me to relay the following to you in person.
In this unique resource you’ll find:
- Sample emails, so you learn how NOT to push them away
- Rules of engagement for establishing peaceful, positive contact
- Tips for self-care to give you physical, mental and emotional strength while you work on this
- Emotional healing tools to prepare the groundwork for a better relationship with your child (and yourself)
- Targeted advice for specific situations (see the Table of Contents)
- An assertiveness primer to help you establish and protect personal boundaries in all your relationships
- Guidelines for improving your self-esteem, because change is harder when self-esteem is low
- Over 100 pages of content from which to craft your personal reconciliation plan
- And more
The information and tools in the Guide can facilitate real change. Read what other parents are saying about it.
If you and I were to sit down together in my office in Denver, it would take hours for me to convey everything you might want or need to know about how to reconcile with your child. But it takes just minutes to download the information right now and start putting it to use.
But what if, after you read the Guide, you just feel alone again, or not sure where to start?
That’s why the Guide is not just a book but a full program of ongoing support. When you purchase the Guide, you’ll join a positive community of parents who are actively working on their relationships with adult children.
Join the Club
Your purchase of the Guide includes six months of live group Q&A calls, where you can hear from other parents who are estranged from their children, ask me questions, and get clarification on implementing the insights you gain from the Guide.
This monthly resource is not the only support that’s included when you buy the Guide…
I’ll also add you to my VIP mailing list (not the same one anyone can click to join). For six months you’ll receive an inspiring monthly newsletter full of helpful tips, updates and new resources exclusively for parents in your situation.
Why six months of support? Because this is a marathon, not a sprint. You’re going to need regular inspiration to keep up the good work of repairing the injured relationship with your adult child.
If at any point you don’t want to receive the newsletter or listen to the call recordings, you can unsubscribe at any time. I’m sure we’ll both do a jig when you don’t need this kind of support anymore!
Want to know what happens on a group Q&A call? Listen to a recording of a past call.
I try to mix up the days and times when calls are offered, so everyone can participate at least some of the time.
Can’t make it to the live call any given month? No problem. Send me your question via email and if I can address it on the next call, I will.
Listen to call recordings at your leisure. There’s a new recording every month full of insights and new ideas about how to approach your child.
Cultivate Constructive Responses
If you had custody of your child until s/he was 18…
If you’re tired of playing The Blame Game (It’s them – No, it’s me – no, it’s them … )…
If you value personal growth…
And if addiction is NOT the primary reason for the estrangement…
This program is for you. You’ll find something in the program of value, and that’s a promise I don’t mind making.
Remember Harv, whose daughter was angry after the divorce and wasn’t sure she wanted a relationship?
Well, Harv purchased the program and read the Guide. This didn’t change how he felt about her reaction to him, but it gave him a blueprint for a constructive response to his daughter.
“My initial response was anger, shame, and a host of personal stuff,” he told me. But he didn’t let his feelings dictate his behavior. He decided to treat his daughter’s angry words not as an indictment, but as a plea for help, attention, and love.
He responded to her email without defensiveness (even though he felt defensive inside), and his daughter agreed to a meeting.
At that meeting, the first thing that happened was she requested an apology.
Having read the Guide, Harv was ready. He didn’t let his “doormat alarm” go off (see Chapter 5), but instead offered such a good apology that his daughter wept with relief.
Harv and his daughter have been in regular contact ever since, and their relationship grows stronger each day.
Is the Guide for You?
Does every parent who reads the Guide see such dramatic results? Not necessarily. Does every reader actually practice the tools they read about? Probably not. Harv was diligent in applying what he learned in the program. He didn’t just read the Guide. He put it into practice.
The Guide and the accompanying program are for those who are tired of waiting around for someone or something to change. It’s for parents who are ready to take ownership and responsibility for the quality of their relationship with their adult child(ren).
Read the first two chapters of the Guide right now with no obligation whatsoever, to get a sense of the value you’ll receive. Then purchase the entire six-month program (the Guide, the newsletter and the monthly group calls) below with a couple of clicks and continue reading at your convenience.
With your own copy of the Guide on your device or printed out, you’ll have an experienced and caring therapist in your pocket or purse anytime, anywhere offering support, tools and kind words when you need them most.
IMPORTANT: This is not a physical book. It’s a downloadable PDF file that arrives in your email box within minutes of purchase.
How to Buy
This life-changing program – all 9 chapters of the Guide, plus six months of Q&A calls and the VIP newsletter – is yours in minutes:
- Click the “Buy Now” button below to enter your credit card information and the email address where you want to receiveyour Guide and monthly newsletters.
- Please note: Your email address cannot be changed once you’ve made your purchase.
- Check your email (including Spam) for a unique download link.
- Click the link to download, then search your device for a PDF called “Estrangement Guide by T Gilbertson.” It will NOT be saved where ebooks go! You’ll find it in the same location on your device as any other Internet download.
Once you receive the Guide you can print it out if you like; read it in comfort, at your convenience. It’s yours to keep.
You don’t need to do anything to receive the newsletter and invitations to the calls. You’re added to the VIP list automatically with purchase.
Ready to purchase? Get the Guide, plus six months of group Q&A calls and the VIP newsletter, for just $49.95.
(Note: You DO NOT need a PayPal account to purchase. Just select “Pay with credit or debit card.”)
30-day Money-Back Guarantee:
If you don’t agree that the Guide is the most eye-opening and useful resource you’ve seen on this topic, I’ll promptly issue a full refund and remove you from the mailing list.
I offer compassionate counseling for estranged parents in person in Denver, Colorado. See my Psychotherapy page for details.
Not in the Denver area but want a quick consultation? Schedule now.